The Grief of the Healer
Thoughts to help Christian Clergy to navigate the life-changing experience of a mate that has transitioned into Heaven.
Stunned, dazed, confused, sad and disoriented are a few of the words that come to mind when I think about the moments beginning with the passing of my late wife, the beloved Yvonne Shipman. I’m sure that there are hundreds of words for others who have dealt with such a time ending, and intimate loss. There are initially no words that penetrate the haze that engulf the mind of one who has been engaged in true love and that blessed process that the Bible describes as making of two, one new beginning. You hear the voices and see the emotional support and appreciate the words being offered by those who love and support you in these moments, yet nothing minimizes the surrealism that surrounds one’s entire being.
The Grief of the Healer is a burden that carries at the same time the grief of family and the comfort and hope that he/she must supply for each member, the grief of the Church with the multiple and generational fellowships that ones’ beloved spouse has cultivated serving as a bridge between unknowns, and the grief of the many people in the Community who have been blessed and embraced by the life of a God-fearing and loving spouse.
I’ve heard it said that loosing a loved one may also be compared to loosing ones job, loosing one’s home, or others types of loss.. But I see no resemblance beyond the commonality of the concept of pain. The type of pain is different and the intensity coupled with the responsibility of the Healer to keep healing others in the midst of his/her grief is not like any other. I will use the name of my late spouse (Yvonne) as a euphemism representing any spouse that has transitioned leaving loved ones here in mourning. I know that you know that, Yvonne’s leaving was not a personal choice. Your Yvonne did not decide to leave you. Most of our Yvonnes would rather end time together with us, but God has numbered each of our days and He has not left the moment of our death in our hands.
This devastating moment causes a variety of feelings. Grieve, be sad, be angry, feel the regret of lost time. Deal with the doubts as to whether you have been enough for your Yvonne, or done enough to give her/him the joy that they should have enjoyed in life. When you have given to love and been loved, privileged to spend time locked in passion and fellowship; being formed in the new creation of family which is the realization of the Genesis promise that, “they two shall become one flesh,” you have participated in an intimate investment and growth of the self with a person who has been chosen by God to change you and be changed with you by the power of love.
This death separation hurts. It wounds. It leaves you wandering in what seems to be a new a completely strange reality. Yet we encourage you not to sorrow as others who have no hope. Your comfort lies in the reality of God and His faithfulness. He has promised to your loved one Eternal Life (John 6:47), and now they are present with Him. Your hurt and pain will dissipate. But this now, seems like forever. Believe in the reality of your Yvonne’s existence in Heaven. The Bible teaches us that ”to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.” Imagine for a moment, what that must be like. Look to the Heavens and speak to God often about how you feel and how to continue being and doing what He has called you to do. The promises of God are a place of rest for you. Be honest with God and patient with yourself as you address your current feelings and circumstances into His hands. Heaven is a place, and your Yvonne, like mine, is there.
